Funny business in The Matooke Republic
All aboard Big Daddy
From the moment you set foot in Uganda, it is obvious that people have a sense of humor. You will always find something in Uganda that will make you smile, and most of the time in unexpected places…
One of the first things that stood out for us was the funny names of shops, restaurants, and businesses. It’s hard not to laugh when you pass a shop called „God‘s Plan Hardware Store“ or a pharmacy called „The Lord‘s Drug Shop“. The names are often a English-local-language fusion with a dash of religion and a pinch of creativity - unmistakably Ugandan.
You‘ll even find funny stuff on the supermarket shelves. You can rely on an Ugandan food store having a tea for every single ailment a person can suffer with. A dose of Gonorrhea? Don‘t worry, there‘s a tea for that. Cancer? Try the anti-cancer tea! Chemo is anyway overrated… And forget about silicone implants, you can now enlarge your breasts with, you guessed it, a tea! And to just balance things out, brew yourself a nice cup of herbal hip/butt enlargement tea too. Are you a man who needs to slim down? Grab yourself a pack of „just for man“ - women, stay away.
Even the roads can‘t escape the Ugandan sense of humor. Although the Matatus (minivans) are the most dangerous things on the road, at least they can entertain you when you’re stuck in traffic. They are all decorated in sayings and inspirational quotes, and even sometimes with illustrations. Unfortunately we don‘t have many photos (too busy focusing on potholes), but we did manage to note down some, and we managed to snag a few pictures. Here are some examples of the priceless life advice the Matatus provide us with:
Use skin care
You are important
Your best teacher was your last mistake
Respect a fool to avoid noise
Belifve
2+4 = 24 African teachers
The rich also cry
Wisdom investors
Ratsamen never die
Dear lord let my enemies live long enough to see me win
Follow Jesus, but don‘t follow me
As the Matatu said, you are important, and that is why you should treat yourself to some creams while you are in Uganda. Why not try some Max Men on your “innermost area” and turn into a shark. Alternatively, you could lift your hips with some garlic cream. You know how the old saying goes - a garlic a day keeps hips flavorful and moving in a major way”.
And lastly, if you’re on the lookout for the blood of our lord Jesus Christ, look no further! Altar wine is for sale at the local supermarket in the alcohol section. Not sure if it has already been blessed, you might have to take care of that yourself… But it has definitely been approved for holy communion!
